The last four decades of my life have been about constant change. For those who read my blogs, I have likened some of these changes to being on a tennis court with a malfunctioning ball machine that doesn’t stop shooting balls out, and me, on the receiving end trying to hit them all!
I have endured losses of people, places, things, jobs; constantly pivoting to manage responsibilities and staying one step ahead of the balls shooting at me!
People in my life are never surprised to find out I have moved again, even across the country. I have been accused of having wanderlust, not knowing what I want to be when I grow up, not being able to settle in one place and give it my all. Most of which have been true at certain times. Although a lot of times it had to do with family situations, job offers, etc. At any rate, I have longed for a sense of grounding that I thought came with having a home for all my life, and a family who was close by.
That dream was shattered initially by immigrating 10000 miles away from my birthplace in my teens. And has continued to this day.
The sense of grief that has accompanied all these changes is ever present. As I am teaching my clients to move through their grief like the ocean waves, so have I managed to move with the next wave of change that presents.
Today, as I was contemplating the subject, it became clear that this dream of being somewhere for all your life, with the same people around me is just that: “a dream”. I know people who live this dream, but every life story is different, and we are all dealt different cards in the game of life. Just as comparing our circumstance and our grief to others is futile and not healthy, resisting change is unhealthy as well. I can take responsibility for the choices I have made in life and create the reality I live in and be ok with it or blame the universe for tossing me about like a lost boat on the ocean.
Even better, I can be grateful that I have had many adventures, been free to make choices, and met a lot of nice people along the way. I have had great homesteads, owned beautiful things that I recycled back into the circle of life for someone else to enjoy. I have made lasting friendships and learned from tumultuous relationships.
What if all we are here for is to just be the best we can be, help everyone in our path who is in need, teach what we know, and just BE? What if the homestead we long for is wherever we are at each given moment? What if there is not much else to DO beyond that?